it changed?

it completely changed. i have a fleety feeling. this came so unexpectedly like it was written in the stars. so in the middle of nowhere, in a bright sunny afternoon at alabang, i decided not to give up applying until i find a job. then just like that, i went inside a building called "firstsource". desperate for a job, i went inside, applied and asked the first point of contact which is the receptionist if i can walk-in as an applicant. i don't know anything then about the company but in less than a week, they hired me as a trainer. that's because of my scholastic record and employment history. alas! indians again! a female indian as my boss. felt the real pressure then since she seems always in a rush. she's that type of worker. plus, we need to get things done and impress the client. it's a pioneering batch that we are going to handle so with their presence, you just have to make the best impression. that's the feeling that i hate myself. the feeling that i am working hard to 'perfume my name'. if i want to make it good, it's because it's my own business. my boss in sitel was right. that idiot ej, at least, was good in diagnosing his people at least. that i carry this 'pride' thing? he was right about that. and that i am so tired of this 'rat race' that i don't believe in naturally. i'm on my own like a businesswoman. that's the only focus that i have on my mind right about now. not to rise or compete with others just to be on top but to have something "on my own" that at least i am sure about.
so i jumped right off the bat to this job for money and by the way, they still haven't identified me since stuff like birth certificate, nbi clearance, certificates of employment, and even diplomas haven't been submitted. they couldn't validate if what i said was true or not. they don't have a proof about me and they have all the right to be doubtful. but what do i do? i need the money, my family needs the money. the company needs a trainer so. here am i writing a blog inside the training room when everbody else is doing something else, concentrating on product training. i don't actually have to have training since i belong to "pre-process" or communication skills. at first i didn't see the reason why the hell should i sit in here but now, it like benefits me since the boss mr joel madtha and maninder something something, both indians, are staying near my workplace and i didn't want to lie to myself by acting like i'm so busy with work when i do not. when i go out of this room, i so know what to tell them, that we talked about disputes and terms and if they want me to formulate scenarios, i can use my stock knowledge as a financial product services. card activation, change info, authotized user, raise credit limit, check balance, inquiries on fees, lah dih dah... balance transfer, payment over the phone... enuf.. but come to think of it, it's useful knowledge on ur daily existence which is highly dependent on structures, cash. one which is inevitable. residual balance, i got a residue of complication everyday. i better be in the advertising industry or i'm gonna get crazy. next week, i might just get what i was daydreaming about. it's the makati scene and advertising and all that stuff. now that i am working hand in hand with foreigners, i know the feeling. they still look down on filipinos and there are still side comments on whatever we do. those condescending brats! they all feel like we can't perform well or something. am i proud to be a filipino? i am not. and it's so unfair for us. it's so much better to have your own business and not work for anyone else. talking about pride again. pride. i bet you, it's all about the money. if i am a filipino woman with a lot of money and i walk around the streets of milan, they will still look down on me. now it retribute my statement. i'd rather be in china where everyone is stupid. nah. or maybe i'd rather be here in the philippines? no, in the US! a strong hold on human rights. it's a 'salad bowl' where everyone is imposed as equal. right. and basing on my presentation on us economy, female, asian are the most in demand when it comes to the employment hiring.