painful on the chest

nobody is taking a look at my blog. fine. i got to have followers. it takes time for people to appreciate what you have to say. my life is empty. it's all a mess, a bore. i'm looking for something to inspire me and keep me going but all i could think of is heroine. heroine and just heroine. i haven't taken heroine but it might keep me alive. my soul is dead. dead. sleepy. mourning like the winter. what is life for? what is my life for? i am of no use. last night i spent time with someone i want to have a relationship with again here in this foreign country. he is african--my dark chocolate baby. i went hysterical again when a girl called her, another chinese gullible girl. she chases after him along with many others aspiring to be his lover. he in return comes and flirts with these girls. for what? for sex maybe. but no, that is not what he wants. that is not what people want. people want true love. true love--a one and only love. ultimate. satisfying. that is also what i want and for that i will be saving myself for that one true love. it will come. my partner in life will come. do you know the feeling of waiting? it's excruciatingly painful. it's painful on the chest.