Of Whores, McDonald's diet, the turban, arabic, russian, and my consciousness

the world is in deed getting really global. in just a matter of 10 days, i feel like i have traveled the world. my job is to teach english, and this job is about dealing with different people, i don't mean children, i mean adults...it is so overwhelming to be with different people and know all these stories, all their cultures, and well-being. i don't know who to start with because all of them have the same degree to me. what i can generalize is that almost all the men that i will talk about have some sort of attraction or lust for me. and i blame it on the situation. as what kas told me as she was analyzing why i always get a string of lustful admirers is that, i'm pretty (not the beauty queen type but maybe a girl next door type or in this case, the girl in the next bed since i live in a dormitory bombarded by men) and i'm there. i appear available. in a world of so much pressure, money, family, responsibilities, i can provide pleasure, that caress, that look of admiration, that kiss, and so on and so forth. what i can provide is what whores can't. it is genuine affection, even for just a limited period of time. sweet november? ya, that's the idea but i am not dying yet. when a man pays for sex, it just means that he wants carnal pleasure and he's not expecting the woman to genuinely admire him (he has to pay for the touch, the fake moans, as one whore said, "it's clinical."). it's like having a massage. there is pleasure but seriously, it doesn't mean anything. the whore is thinking about money. it might turn out to be something else but, can u seriously trust someone who has been having sex for money. can u seriously believe that it wont be about money? it is sad to be used for money. it is sad to be used and to use. it feels so unnatural. my mind is racing. why am i talking about paid sex? it is because i live in the same house with whores. 3 armenian whores who speak russian and that fact got me interested in learning russian. am i secretly attracted to whores? i admire their courage, their boldness to face the world knowing that they are selling themselves. could women married to rich men because of their money quasi-whores? this brings me to my number one student, ana. i love her, yes. she's beautiful. she becomes more and more radiant the more u spend time with her. she looks classy even in sneakers. she married a guy without being infatuated with him. she admitted that she only learned to love a guy after getting married to him. isn't this the principle of being with someone because of money? isn't this what whores do? what can she do? the guy could earn something she could never earn in her life. i admit that every time i go to her apartment to teach her and every time i ride her car, there is a flow of envy running through my veins and how i wish my future husband could be like that.  i look at the mirror and see my chubby cheeks and realize that maybe im not the type who could marry rich because of my looks... but i want to be. i want to be a barbie doll not a cabbage patch kid. tall and slender... but those are unattainable things. and i am beginning to laugh at myself now.