because they are lucky

am i really happy for them? i guess not. i think i envy them and it's unhealthy. brie is now a model and she is having lots of photo shoots. mylene went to france once more and she just had her pics posted. wow. she bagged a french guy. i will have an upcoming movie. but hey, this is just another smalltime indie film. great. i will have something new to post on facebook, at least. my family has all my support but what am i doing here? i am back in the philippines. i know i dont see myself in china once more. i want to be in europe and US acting and travelling and getting thinner and thinner. i want to taste the frommage and the bread and the everything there. oh please GOD. i think i better start writing to YOU God Almighty. where is my life going again? i am confused once more and i have to figure this out. im simply looking at mylene's life. it is so simple. she's just a teacher and she wanted to get married to a european. well she's definitely now with a european. so things arent going my way for now. im sure im gonna be crazy when i get to the US. all the things i see will be seemingly magical. well like joel. he's here and he wished to be here. he wanted it so badly and it arrived just when he was not expecting it anymore. he has let the world work it's wonder. im running out of my mind already. im getting completely berserk. tonight im planning to go to ruins and find french films. i will have an upcoming role as a fortune-teller. and now as i close my eyes i see a beautiful place in south france with the cold weather and my friend mylene. the whole cast is there again (well, almost). but i cant see a guy there. i cant see anyone yet.