Thursday, January 13, 2011
Woman
This woman can attract any men she wants. Now it's her plot to get rich and therefore, she wants to marry rich. She lives in New York. She's a real estate agent and she's been attracting really really rich men that will allow her to stop working. "The more nervous I am, the more relaxed people think I am." Like her leads, she wouldn't stop collecting and taking chances. Most of people in contact with her are men. Women envy her charm from days back then. She only has a few selected female friends. She looks common, well she used to, until she came to New York. She had delusions of grandeur ever since and she must have gotten that from her grandmother, who stole a husband away from his wife. She calculates her risks. She goes to the Church often. She wasn't always like this though. She used to be cheerful but she lost her way somehow and learned to fight her battles alone. She finds the right partner here, strong, powerful and has nothing but a good heart. A hopeless romantic. This should be the end of her battle. But she betrayed him in the end. Only to come back to the one she left originally. Oh come on, this is a safe story. Let me tell you the truth. Well, that woman is me. I tried seduction but not to my advantage. Come on, it's just sex. The only risk is a disease and reputation if you're not careful. Problem is, I've done things that are of no use to me. Sex is one of it. I want to try something bolder and productive, fuck the word productive. It's manipulative that I should use. I need a psychiatrist.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Dream Journal - January 10, 2011
I was with Mom and my 2 kid sisters and we were riding a tricycle to my aunt's house. There was a reunion happening and the house seems to be filled with people we don't know. We were not allowed to come in yet until I woke up. The first part of my dream I think I have forgotten but I will document it once I recall.
Monday, January 3, 2011
because they are lucky
am i really happy for them? i guess not. i think i envy them and it's unhealthy. brie is now a model and she is having lots of photo shoots. mylene went to france once more and she just had her pics posted. wow. she bagged a french guy. i will have an upcoming movie. but hey, this is just another smalltime indie film. great. i will have something new to post on facebook, at least. my family has all my support but what am i doing here? i am back in the philippines. i know i dont see myself in china once more. i want to be in europe and US acting and travelling and getting thinner and thinner. i want to taste the frommage and the bread and the everything there. oh please GOD. i think i better start writing to YOU God Almighty. where is my life going again? i am confused once more and i have to figure this out. im simply looking at mylene's life. it is so simple. she's just a teacher and she wanted to get married to a european. well she's definitely now with a european. so things arent going my way for now. im sure im gonna be crazy when i get to the US. all the things i see will be seemingly magical. well like joel. he's here and he wished to be here. he wanted it so badly and it arrived just when he was not expecting it anymore. he has let the world work it's wonder. im running out of my mind already. im getting completely berserk. tonight im planning to go to ruins and find french films. i will have an upcoming role as a fortune-teller. and now as i close my eyes i see a beautiful place in south france with the cold weather and my friend mylene. the whole cast is there again (well, almost). but i cant see a guy there. i cant see anyone yet.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Sheila
She was wearing a red dress and was drowning herself of wine. She can't forget. It was in the 80's when they all had crazy hairstyles and paddings. Now she's in her 40's. Twenty years. She could have raised a child of her own but she didn't. Instead, she chose to be a childless mistress. She's still very beautiful though. In fact, she looks young for her age. But she's all wasted inside. She drives a car to the nearby salon. She's used to the galant pampering and the galant everything. She reaches her credit card from the bag. The salon cashier swipes it, and it's gone. She has no cash with her. The salon cashier forgives her as she has been a loyal customer. Now she goes home and decides to look for a job and start over. She's just so lonely. She depended on the guy so much. Now, she's left with nothing. He's gone. Forever. She was just 25 when they first met. The guy was married and she never entertained the idea of loving him. He pursued her for 3 years and he won her heart through lavish gifts and numeous dates. She asked him why he was doing this and he said that he was not happy with his marriage. She herself was on the rocks with her boyfriend at that time so she blindly succumbed to the idea of becoming this rich guy's mistress. They would check in hotels all-over the country and even abroad. It was like seeing the world for the first time. She was so happy. This is the life that she has always wanted. She was tired of poverty. She was tired of just buying surplus stuff. She wanted more out of life and excess she got. . . (to be cont'd.)
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