slut string

is this karma? or am i just a plain fool. just when i started this blog i said i will start with a clean slate and just a few days after, i'm dirty again. it's time to clean up the mess with myself once more. sometimes we just make impulsive decisions for the wrong reasons. i never really liked Abbas. i just used him to make the Mustafa jealous whom I used to make Sajith jealous whom I used to forget about Smith whom I used to forget about Bruno whom I used to forget about Eli whom I just used to have a place to stay in while in another city and whom I used to forget about Joshua whom I used to make Jay jealous whom I used to make JM jealous whom I used to forget about shit, I even forgot his name but he is JM's bestfriend. Before that I had Chite, Jake, who else did I miss? Oh Ralph whom I appreciate his full honesty by just saying what he wants. There is an endless string and now I really found the reason. It's because I didn't pause. I didn't stop loving. Now I feel so drained by years of this string. What do I really want? I mean, just by myself. Who do I really want to be?