and then again. she falls... not for a man but for a false job whatsoever. accepting it itself was already crazy enough. now she suffers as she can't even satisfy her small cravings of KFC. there is thirst, thirst of even the smallest cravings of french fries. breathe in, breathe out. she can't even do. she knocks on her head off and realizes her mistake. the impulsiveness of leaving China. sigh... as she knows not what to do next. GOD... is all i could think of. look at the people around, do u think they are experiencing the same sadness? sadness caused by confusion. what can be more dragging than being confused. the world is currently changing and i am confused. jaded in my own ways. how do u feel? do u feel about me? will there be light at the end of the tunnel? all she could see is emptiness, emptiness of the pockets. i sigh a choco peanutbutter caramel feeling. so heavy. i can almost feel the trunks of trees falling down on me. what makes me more and more sad is the feeling that i have to fight it. it's because i just can't. the exact feeling of loneliness is like u are wanting to get out of it. i dont want to go to the office anymore. i dont wanna see their faces anymore. i want to ESCAPE. i dont want it anymore. i dont want it. close my eyes, dreaming. and i see 40 thousand bucks at the palm of my hand. what am i doing? back in china. look... at... that. look what has happened to me now. but something tells me that maybe there is something else better for me and yes, that is the caregiver job in another country. i checked out the website and it is endearing. christina--finally in the US. i will just visit them my fellow cousins. i just left my laptop and they were not looking after the laptop. that was scary. i dont wanna leave this place yet. for real. i dont wanna go home and find myself alone and thinking. im waiting for someone. im waiting for joel because i cant talk to anyone else but him.